Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
