dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
