I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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