Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
