i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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