About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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