He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
