How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
