someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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