im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
