I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
