Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
