Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
