I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
