he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
