Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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