remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
