you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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