I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
