$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
