dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
