Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
