My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
