I could have mohawked her pubes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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