I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
smell my finger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
