Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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