the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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