Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
