So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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