I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
