This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
