i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
