I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
