guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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