Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
