theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
