end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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