Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
