Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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