One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
