Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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