How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My penis needs a shock collar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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