I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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