I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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