Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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