U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
