she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
