Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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