rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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