im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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