there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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