Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
