if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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