I will die if light touches me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
