I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
a search helicopter?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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