Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize