I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
