oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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