Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
