Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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