I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just pee around me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
