Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
